Because of you
by pallyndrome
Summary: Songfic about what Vegeta learnt from his parents.


I will not make

the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

'Cause my heart so much misery

Love hurts.

That was a fact that Vegeta knew all too well. He was sick of watching the rest of the Z gang laughing and having fun together, without a care in the world. He knew he shouldn't take it so personally, but every hug was like a slap in the face. None of them knew the meaning of pain. And they never even bothered to find out why Vegeta acted differently. He was just a 'grump', an ex-murderer who didn't know how to smile. But he learned all he needed to know about love long before he ever murdered anyone.

I will not break

The way you did, you fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

One of his earliest memories, he must have been around one. Hi mumma had dismissed his nurse, and had left the room to talk to a man he vaguely recognised as his Father. Well, she was pulled from the room more like, and it was unusually kind of his Father not to scream at her in front of the baby. Not that a half closed door blocked out much sound.

Already a capable climber, baby Vegeta scrambled easily out of his hanging crib. He would have hit the floor, a metre below, head first, had his guard bird not caught him by the back of his robe in it's talons and lowered him safely to the floor. The baby hardly noticed, he was so used to the bird's presence.

Hearing shouting, Vegeta stopped and sat back on his rump for a moment, sucking on his tail thoughtfully. A bang and a woman's scream made him jump, and his eyes widen in fear. A moment passed, then the baby's eyes narrowed and he crawled determinedly towards the door, tail lashing angrily behind him. He had no idea of how little effect he would have on a full grown adult, and was determined to help his mumma.

By the time he nudged the door open with his head, his father had stomped from the room. His mother lay on a heap on the floor, sobbing loudly into an embroidered cushion. Vegeta took a moment to consider her.

She was a tiny young woman, messy brown hair hiding her perfect face except for one bang that stood straight up, a sign of her royal lineage. But were it not for her hair, and her exceptional beauty, no saiyan would mistake her for royalty. She was too emotionally broken, and everything about her showed it.

She was mumbling incoherently in between her sobs, and as little Vegeta crawled towards her, he heard snatches.

"Why me... I want him back... I can't take this..."

When Arana, Queen only by name, finally noticed her tiny son snuggled up against her, she took one look at his little face and burst into tears again. It would be years before Vegeta would understand that he looked too much like his 'father'.

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Another memory, one of countless similar ones.

He was older, around ten. He walked dazedly into the room he shared with Raditz on Frieza's ship. A second later Raditz entered and pulled the boy to him, giving him a comforting hug. For a moment the prince let himself enjoyed it, but then he shook Raditz off and moved to curl up on his bed.

"Vegeta..." Raditz sat on the edge of the boy's bed, "Sometimes it helps to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it. Not to you, not to anyone. Now leave me alone."

Raditz was used to such a reaction, but it still stung a little. Why the prince wanted to push away the only friend he had, young Raditz, then eighteen, could not completely understand. But he would keep trying anyway, he would help the prince to survive, and maybe even one day find some happiness.

Because of you

I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but every one around me

Because of you, I am afraid

Twelve years ago, Trunks' sixth birthday.

"Hey Vegeta!" The big buffoon he called Kakarot ITed behind the prince and slung an arm around his shoulders. Before the hero could blink, Vegeta drove his elbow into his stomach, sending him flying backwards into a bush.

It took a few moments for Vegeta to relax out of his battle stance, and he then realised that everyone was staring at him. He scowled. Kakarot should have known not to surprise him.

Twenty years ago, his first day at Capsule Corp.

"Vegeta honey," Bunny chirruped, "I made you all this wonderful food, why haven't you eaten it?"

Vegeta, just passing through to his room, stopped to stare at the bubbly woman.

"Surely you must be hungry, big handsome young men like you always have to eat!" Bunny beamed at him, and pulled out a chair. "Go on, it's not poisoned!" Laughing happily, she left to water her plants.

Vegeta stared at the food, uncomfortable at the realisation that Bunny brushed away his fear so easily. Perhaps if the food wasn't poisoned, then maybe he didn't have to be afraid of the shampoo and soap in 'his' personal bathroom either, or of the huge full-of-pillows bed that loomed in 'his' room. Bad things happen in such beautiful beds, this he remembered as something his mother warned him about all those years ago.

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

He was three. His father watched impatiently as the little prince struggled to do his hundredth push up. Excited, he looked eagerly at his father for praise after completing all he was told to do. His little face fell when his father scowled his blackest scowl.

"You think that's good enough?! When I was your age I could do 500 push ups in half the time you took to do 100!"

The prince's bottom lip quivered, and tears began forming. The King stormed over to the boy and did not hesitate in kicking his little body across the room.

"How dare you cry?! Crying is for the weak! And I will not have a weakling for a son! Until you train harder, you are your mother's weakling, not my son!"

The King spat at him, as if saying he belonged to his mother was the worst insult he could fling at the boy.

I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh, everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Five years ago. His daughter's fourth birthday.

The little princess gazed around the room from amidst piles of presents, searching among the beaming faces for the one she knew this perfectly wrapped present was from. Finally she found Vegeta in a corner, and grinned at him to thank him. He gave her a small smirk, and even in her young mind she knew there was something different about her dad, something sad that stopped him from really smiling. But she was not disheartened, she was determined. Determined to make her daddy happy.

Eight years ago. His son's tenth birthday.

The scene from his daughter's fourth birthday was a distorted mirror of a similar scene at his son's tenth birthday. This time, Trunks was disappointed to realise that once again, the only one who wasn't happy for him was his dad. And for the first time, he scowled at Vegeta, and put his present to the side, refusing to open it. He didn't understand why his dad had to be so sad and grumpy, and it made him resentful.

Vegeta felt a pang in his heart when he felt his son's scowl to his very bones.

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

He was two.

He woke for what seemed like the millionth time to hear his mother sobbing. She was mumbling something about Weshen again. When asked, his mother would say she loved Weshen, then, continue to cry. For some reason, this Weshen was gone, and his mother lived her life wanting him back. He knew his mother was sad, but her tears hurt him too. A single tear slid down his cheek as he shared his mother's pain and learnt his first lessons about love and loss.

Because of you

I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but every one around me

Because of you, I am afraid

He was four. His mother had taken him up to the top of a tower to 'play'. Giggling happily while balancing on the stone fencing, little Vegeta was oblivious to his mother's constant pain for once in his life. His guard bird watched him dutifully.

On the other side of the round platform, his mumma stepped up onto the surrounding stone fence. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Arana turned to look at her boy, considering her decision one last time. Then she turned and stepped off the tower.

Vegeta's guard bird shrieked as Vegeta saw his mother fall out of the corner of his eye. Without thinking, he ran as fast as his little legs could take him, which was quite fast considering he was a saiyan, and did not hesitate to leap after her.

As they fell together he managed to grasp a corner of her skirt. But he hadn't yet learnt to fly; his 'father' had not finished teaching him, and his mumma had never mastered the technique. For a second while falling he struggled to control his ki enough to fly. Just before they both hit the ground, the prince's guard bird closed it's talons around him and lifted him free. He struggled, tearing off the scrap of cloth, and watched as his mother's body hit the ground.

That night when he was alone in their room for the first time, he wondered. Why was he not enough for his mother to live for?

I watched you die, I heard you cry

Every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

Years later Raditz would comfort him, telling him it was not his fault that his mother died, that she could not help being what she was. A part of her died when Vegeta's father killed Weshen. Vegeta promised himself he would never get so attached. He'd never risk loving someone that much, if it can cause so much pain.

And now I cry

In the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

Two years ago. The middle of the night.

Vegeta stood in the middle of the a lonely desert, and howled his pain into the sky. 18 years and he still loved him, still missed him. For all his efforts, Vegeta was just like his mother.

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid.

Perhaps it would be better to just forget everything. Make himself anew, try to rebuild his life on this new planet. But he wasn't sure how to go about it. How do you start to let people in after a lifetime of pushing them away? But having such an empty life with no one close, well it was not a happy place to be.

Because of you

Because of you


End file.
